What’s Needed to Change and Asking a Better Question


When people come to see me for the first time and then they start to get to working with me, within this process of weight loss, and health, and wellness, and what ever this is to you.  They often exclaim to me that working with me is something that is very different than what they are used to, and I can see how that is.  Because how I view this whole process of weight loss and health and wellness, I view it within the context of what actually means to change something.  Because I think that’s what were trying to do.

On a very fundamental level what we’re trying to do is change.

And if I were to break this down; now there’s a multitude of factors that are involved in the creation of change and the sustainability of a change.  But if I were to break it down to the very nuts and bolts of how change actually occurs it first starts with our perspective and how we view things; and then second, it involves the development of skills that we don’t already posses.  Changing our perspective. Changing our view of things.  It’s this idea of metacognition and psychoanalysis.  It’s this idea of thinking about our thinking.  To be able to step back from our own pool of thoughts and say “could I be wrong?”  And that’s not easy for people to do because we like to be right.  And we think that our perspective is the only perspective, and so, getting into a practice of where you’re continually challenging your own thought is not an easy task, but it’s something that I think is very vital when it comes to making changes. To be able to say to yourself is there a perspective that I have not yet entertained, that if I did, that could possibly move me forward…is powerful.

You know, and this goes back to a mantra that I teach my clients and live my life by, and it’s “ask a better question.”  When you get stuck, as a better question.  And there’s only one rule that I give to people when it comes to asking a better question, and that’s it can’t be a question that has a binary response.  What I mean by that is that it can’t be “yes or no”, “true or false”, or “either or”.  The reason why I say that is because when we talk about making changes, you know, a lot of these things can be daunting.  You know, when it comes to weight loss, and when it comes to health, and some of these things we’re trying to do.  It can be overwhelming to some people, and when we lack self confidence, and when we lack self esteem, and we lack self efficacy, you know.  If I ask myself “can I do this?”  I might just say no and I might just give up.  And so when I say the questions that you ask can’t have a binary response, is that’s what I mean.  If you tell yourself “can I do this?” Your default answer might be no, and I don’t want you to go there.  So what a better question might be is “how can I do this?”  It could be that simple.  How could I do this? Because when we ask a question like that it brings our resources to bare, right.  We start to think about, okay, how could I solve this problem.  And ultimately what I’m trying to do, in this whole process, is I’m trying to get you to think critically about your situation.  There’s a quote out there that I forgot who said it.  If it was Jim Rohn or Zig Zigglar. It was one of those guys.  And he said, you know, “don’t ask for less problems, as for more skills.”  And that’s very true.